Crack Toast and Juice
by fairymanwench
Summary: Random Crack, don't expect any accuracy to the game at all, aside from the names, and some very basic personality traits. LOADS OF SLASH. All slash.


A crack fic by Minki and Sali.  
A/N PURE CRACK, OOC, YAOI, POSSIBLE SPOILERS.

Chapter One --

Larxene was pacing in her room thinking of ways to avoid getting hit on today, being that all of the members had a day off.

Getting a hair cut didn't work out so well seeing as how Marluxia insisted on coming with. Among other ideas were, visiting the zoo, the aquarium, or the local park, but all of those ideas greatly appealed to Demyx. She thought of going to the casino, but that had some pretty obvious results, Luxord would like that way too much. A womens health club seemed like it would have been the best option, but Vexen was all about being healthy. She tried hiding in the library, but Zexion and his best friend Lexaeus were always in there.

She never really had a problem with Axel and Roxas but they were always overly friendly with each other anyways, leaving her to wonder certain things about them. She actually wondered a lot about the other members and their, well, sex drive. Considering she wasn't giving them any, at all, and wasn't planning on EVER giving them any. Xemnas and Saix frowned about bringing outsiders in, outsiders being hookers and prostitutes. Actually, they frowned upon visiting them at all, being that disease spreads quickly.

Larxene had her suspicions as to the other male members orientations. Clearly Marly was gay, as were Xemnas and Saix, they frequently had outbursts during meetings. Which quite frankly seemed to make Luxord very uncomfortable especially when he saw Xaldin afterwards. Which just made her wonder more.

With these thoughts all making her very confused she felt the need to go on a cleaning spree. Which was actually a very good way to keep the boys from hitting on her, as they shirked any cleaning duties.

Larxene decided to start in the kitchen, going through the cupboards and looking in the fridge, she realized they were quite bare. She finished that room and decided to go to Superior's room to alert him of the food shortage. As she approached his quarters, a very rushed, and slightly flustered Saix came out the door and said, "I'll be right back I need to get a few supplies from my room.". This didn't confuse her as much as it should have, until she opened the door to find Xemnas handcuffed to the bed and shirtless.

"Um... well... this is a bit um, you're sworn to silence!!" Xemnas exclaimed as Larxene covered her eyes and turned away. "I saw nothing!! and we're out of food!!". "Tell the others to take care of it, I'm preoccupied right now."

Larxene hurried out of the room and bumped back into Saix who dropped the box he'd been carrying.

"Shit I'm sorry!" Larxene said and started to quickly help him clean it up "I got it, I got it. Don't worry about it!" Saix quickly picked up a few condoms and what appeared to be whipped cream, and placed them back into his box labeled, fun time.

She stood up quickly "Okay, I'm sorry, have a nice day, bye" She spouted quickly as she took off running down the hall.

Larxene tried and tried to clear her head. She remembered that she needed to send some of the others shopping for groceries. She alerted everyone but, Demyx and Marly that she was calling an emergency meeting. When everyone arrived she explained that Superior put her in charge of this meeting, just when she was getting started Vexen noted that Marly and Demyx were absent and suggested they wait for them. She yelled "It's a code S"

Everyone hushed.

"They can't know about shopping trips Vexen" Xaldin boomed.

"I'm so sorry" Vexen exclaimed in a sarcastic tone.

"What's so bad about shopping?" Roxas asked Demyx burst through the door "DID SOMEONE SAY SHOPPING"

Xigbar groaned "Oh great! Number thirteen, you're going with him"

"I LOVE SHOPPING!" Demyx explained "WHEN ARE WE GOING SHOPPING"

Larxene tried to explain to Demyx that only one member needed to go but he wasn't having it.

"I'll go with, it's my fault he found out about it" Roxas said "I'll come too, if you're going Roxy" Said Axel "Well then I have to go as well, to make sure you all don't get seperated, or violated"

Xigbar said "It's not like Marly's coming with." Axel stated sarcastically.

In sudden flowerly flurry Marluxia bounded in "I heard my name" He said in a mock sensual tone "Grocery Shopping." Xigbar blurted "Oh... well... Pick me up a bouquet of pansies!" Marluxia suggested

Larxene then explained to everyone not going on the shopping trip "I'm going on a cleaning spree after this meeting, everyone not wishing to get bolted should stay out my way. That means leave. Or stay in your rooms, whichever you prefer"

Lexaeus asked "Are you cleaning the library too"

"YES. EVERYTHING"

"Okay, we'll be leaving then" Zexion stated

"You know the third door on the left, on the tenth floor?" Xaldin asked

"Yes... why"

"You don't wanna go in there sweetie, trust me" Xaldin insisted All the boys snickered.

"Why..? If there's an off limits room the superior would have told me"

"Just don't go in there." Xaldin said "It's our little secret."

"All right whatever." She said forgetting about it instantly.

Axel, Roxas, Xigbar and a very excited Demyx headed to cub.

Luxord dragged Xaldin to the casino, claiming to hate going alone, it made him look like a cheater.

Lexaeus and Zexion just kinda disappeared.

Marluxia was convinced by Vexen to go to the science museum.

She cleaned up and down, left and right, through the first nine floors, disgusted with the lack of overall cleanliness. When she got to the tenth floor, she skipped the first two rooms. Being that they were Saix and Xemnas's rooms and she'd seen quite enough of them for one day.

When she arrived at the third room on the left. The door was locked with a password lock. She tried everything from Sora to Riku, and everything between. She joking said "raging erection" when the door popped open. She surprised and severely disturbed.

Upon entering the room she was hit with a disgusting scent she couldn't recognize. The walls seemed to be covered in some crusty white substance. She looked towards the floor and saw in was covered as well. There were a few chairs in the room, but other than that the room was fairly, blank. She sat, and thought about what uses this room could have. When it dawned her.

"OMG EWWWWW!" She screamed running out.


End file.
